Tell Me Your Troubles and Doubts

I would like to say I thought long and hard about the title of this blog, but I did not. My name is Victoria and I’m a John Hughesaholic. Seriously. I’ve made the pilgrimage to the North Shore of Chicago. I stood on the steps of Glencoe Union Church and pretended that Jake Ryan was leaning against his red Porsche mouthing the words, “Yes, you.” (did I really just admit that?!) I’ve seen the football field John Bender walks across at the end of detention. I stood by the flagpole in front of Niles East High School (from 16 Candles) OK…not the point of the blog. My point is that there are certain movies from the 80s that are not to be ignored. As John Bender told Claire (which is NOT a fat girl’s name) “you couldn’t ignore me if you tried”. What follows is my list of the 10 movies that I believe every high school senior should be required to watch before graduating.  There probably could be another list to watch before graduating college. If that is too ambitions, focus on the top 5. I just couldn’t bring myself to stop at 5 and 5 honorable mentions seemed like I was cheating.

10. Stand By Me (1986) – I know it takes place in the 50s which makes some of it seem a bit cheesy, but the reason for this making the list is because it is a great lesson in that some of your best memories in life were made when you were twelve. You may lose touch with those people (obviously FB made it easier for our generation), but the adventures and conversations you have with your friends when you are twelve will bind you for life.

9. Lucas (1986) – A bit cliché, but what stands out besides the classic unrequited love story is that Maggie didn’t really know Lucas. She thought she did, but Rina (Wynona Ryder’s film debut) tells Maggie that Lucas doesn’t live in a mansion…he mows the lawn there.  He really lives in a trailer park with his alcoholic father. And Lucas doesn’t really know Cappie or Maggie either.  There are so many gross assumptions made in life…especially in high school, that you need to step back and take the time to get to know someone.  Also, you should not try to play football without a helmet. It will hurt you…but earn you a letterman’s jacket.

8. Just One of The Guys (1985) – What would it be like to walk in the other gender’s shoes for a week or a month? Teri decides to become a dude and enroll at a rival high school to prove that she is being discriminated against because she is pretty and a girl. Unfortunately after posing as a dude, her new journalism teacher tells her that her article still isn’t good. In the meantime she has taken on a project (again a cliché plot line) when she meets nerdy Rick and decides to make him cool. And she does and he takes a cheerleader to prom, but Teri’s boyfriend shows up and Teri now likes Rick and so she kisses him, which is AWWKWARD…because he is  a she but looks like a he, but Rick was totally cool about it.  He stormed out of the prom, but he seemed unfazed. In the meantime, Teri becomes a girl again and writes are article for the paper at her old/original school about what it was like to be an undercover guy…and then she gets the mad props she wants for her writing…and she gets Rick. The point of seeing this movie…not everything is about gender and you can’t expect to play the (fill in the blank) card every time something doesn’t go your way.

7. Heathers (1989) – Oh where to begin with this one? Cliques and girls.  They are vicious and ugly and superficial. Clearly this is a DARK movie, but the point of watching it is to realize that no matter how much it seems like the “popular” people have it together, they don’t. They are just as insecure, if not more and they will often turn on anyone at the drop of a hat just to maintain their status. That said, Veronica totally regretted hanging out with the Heathers (and hanging out with a boy name J.D. – that seemed doomed from the start). The thing is…Veronica was smart and while she didn’t have any intent to kill from the beginning, she was on to J.D. and was able to stop him before he killed the whole student body by making it seem like a mass suicide. And for the sake of mentioning it, the dialogue is pretty hilarious in a sarcastic, snarky kind of way.

6. Can’t Buy Me Love (1987) – Any girl that says they fell in love with McDreamy in 200-whatever can just bite me! The moment Ronnie drove that lawn mower across the screen, I knew we had a thing going on. The problem was that he had a thing for a girl SOOOOOOO out of his league. And to spend all that money he made mowing lawns (to rent a girlfriend for a month) just so she could replace a leather suit (bad fashion choice even in ’87) and he could be cool (was this sort of like a glorified escort?)…I didn’t get it. The lesson in it though is that popularity can go to anyone’s head and make them not so cute anymore. And popularity is empty. And boyfriends that go to college will forget you. And if you were cute and blond in the 80s you drove a white, convertible Cabriolet…because you were cute and little. And ripping the sleeves off your shirt will make you HOT!

OK…now the drumroll, because this is where it gets real.

5. Dead Poet’s Society (1989) – sigh…Oh Captain, My Captain. When Todd stands on the desk at the end of the movie, you just knew you could Carpe Diem. Neil's dad couldn’t accept him as an actor and Neil couldn’t accept his future as a doctor. I think this may have been the first movie that I actually connected emotional pain with someone committing suicide. I think this is also the first movie when I realized that just because these boys seemingly had “everything”, they really didn’t. They were trying to fit into a box that they really had no desire to fit into. And thank God for Mr. Keating!! Being a Welton alum, he knew them better than they knew themselves. I could go on and on with the power and wonder of this movie, but the lesson is – Make Your Life Extraordinary! Seize the Day! Look at life a different way!

4. Say Anything (1989) –“ I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.”

If there is one thing you can say about Lloyd Dobler, he knew what he wanted.  Granted most high school seniors will not, but the point is go after what you want. Whether it is Diane Court or kickboxing…live with passion.

I could go on and on with the genius of Lloyd, but I’ll finish with this as a follow up to knowing what you want to do when you are 18,” How many of them really know what they want, though? I mean, a lot of them think they have to know, right? But inside they don't really know, so... I don't know, but I know that I don't know.” I cried with relief that first time I heard that. And don't even get me started on the radio blaring Peter Gabriel in the rain.

The next 3 are all a tie. It is like asking me to pick a favorite child. I can’t. Don’t ask me to. If the building/VCR/cassette tape is on fire…I’m saving all 3 or dying with them.

3. Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) I wanted to be Watts when I grew up. I started wearing cut off shorts and wanted to see if I could pull off the tomboy haircut. I figured if there was a way for the tomboy to get the guy there was hope for me. Watts played the cool best friend, but her heart was JUST.SO.OUT.THERE! When she tells Amanda Jones, “You break his heart, I break your face”…I lifted a John Bender fist in the air. And Keith…oh Keith. I love that he has the balls to tell his dad that college is not his dream. And now that I’m a parent, I get it. You want better for your kids, but you need to let them go after their passions even when it doesn’t seem smart because you don’t want them to have regrets (or at least I don’t). There is such a small window when they can go for their dreams so let them. And Amanda Jones…oh the wisdom of Amanda. A girl from the same side of the tracks as Keith that has broken the ceiling only to find herself in a toxic and abusive relationship.  She starts out saying that she would rather be with someone for the wrong reason than alone for the right. Seriously? It just goes to show where so many girls self –esteem really is. So to make Hardy jealous, she decides to go out with Keith. Not because she likes him, but because he is there. Only Keith is in LOOOOOVEEE with Amanda Jones and HE CASHES OUT HIS COLLEGE FUND to take her on a date. And let me tell you this was a hell of a date!!! (especially for an L.A. girl) L’Ermitage then LACMA after hours followed by renting out the Hollywood Bowl? (swoon). And Keith (God love him!) tells Amanda that she looks good wearing his future (diamond earrings) and she realizes (after Watts has made it abundantly clear) that the earrings were really meant for Watts…and she also realizes (HUGE LESSON HERE) it is better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong.  Only it sounds way cooler in the movie because she is Lea Thompson and has that cool look as she takes out the earrings and says, “I’d rather be right.”  And the ending…oh goodness..the BEST rendition of “Can’t Help Falling In Love” E.V.E.R. in the middle of the street with Keith and Watts.  

 

And Keith admitting he had no idea and Watts telling him she always knew he was stupid. Just watch it! And not to make light of this movie at all, the writing is genius. Seriously. The angst of Watts caring so much about Keith that she is willing to chauffeur his date with Amanda Jones.  Keith wanting so badly to prove that just because he works in a gas station, likes art and his best friend is a tomboy that he can still get the hot girl. Amanda Jones, wanting so badly to be something that she is not. Trying to find her identity in something other than where she lives.

 

2. Pretty In Pink (1986) – A similar theme only this time the best friend is Duckie and the girl from the wrong side of the tracks is Andie. She is pining for Blaine (with the amazing BMW 325i…right up there with the convertible Cabriolet as rad cars of the 80s) only Blaine’s best friend Steff isn’t having it.  I think Some Kind of Wonderful resonated with me for such different reasons even with a common plot thread. Pretty In Pink is about having strength and not letting people look down on your or judge you because you don’t hang out with the right people. It is about believing in yourself when no one else does.  The interesting thing with this movie is that the ending had to be reshot because everyone wanted her to end up with Blaine. The reality is, Blaine didn’t believe in Andie even a quarter of how much Duckie believed in Andie. To this day, Duckie is probably the most beloved character and I think we all secretly believe that Duckie and Andie got married someday.  In spite of all that, Andie never seemed to get down on herself.

She had a strength that I really don’t think I had encountered at that point in my life.  The idea of going to prom alone to make a point…that was HUGE…and of course she didn’t go alone…because Duckie was waiting for her at school to escort her in. And...fun fact OMD had to write "If You Leave" in 24 hours because the song they had planned for Andie and Duckie wouldn't work for Blaine and Andie.

  

1. Breakfast Club (1985) – Much like the first time I saw the “Take On Me” video, I don’t think I moved even after the credits rolled. Never before or since has there been a movie that so richly captured what high school was like. Maybe I should have said adolescence. Aside from the characters, who were so well developed in my opinion, the entire movie takes place inside that school. They briefly sneak out to go to the gym and run the halls, but really the movie takes place in the library. And the dialogue…oh my goodness. Every high school student needs to see this movie still. I recently read an article about how different The Breakfast Club would be today with technology, but in 1985 they had to talk. They had to share, They had to break down the stereotypes and hear each other’s stories. And every one of them had a story just like every one of us has a story. Each of them aware of who the others were prior to March 24, 1984 but never really speaking and each of them more aware after…and probably not speaking, but having a greater understanding that in adolescence we all wear masks and that underneath we really aren’t all that different. We get brainwashed into filling a role or fitting into a mold. Really, we are/were just trying to survive.

 

 

In the immortal words of Brian Johnson,

Dear Mr. Vernon,

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did WAS wrong, but we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is ... a brain...and an athlete... and a basket case...a princess...and a criminal...Does that answer your question?

 Sincerely yours,

The Breakfast Club.

 

I know I left out 16 Candles, Ferris Bueller and Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Any others that you think need to make the list? If you think they need to be included,  you need to leave a compelling case in the comments section.

It's No Better To Be Safe Than Sorry

We all hate to be critiqued for how we parent. Until you have walked a mile in my shoes you/we/I should not judge. At the end of the day most of us will reap what we sow. (How many more idioms will appear in this post?) Therefore, we should sow wisely for good or for bad.

I recently was critiqued for my parenting. Rather than get defensive and hurt, I got defensive and went on the offense. There are certain things our children NEED to know. To send them into adolescence or adulthood not equipped with the tools to cope and survive would be like forgetting to wear shoes on a snowy day. I wouldn’t say I was outraged by the critique, but I would say I had a bit of righteous indignation that my parenting style was not being appreciated.

So here goes…I got in trouble last week by my 11 year old for making her stay up past her bedtime to watch 80s videos. It all started after an episode of The Goldbergs  (tell me you are watching this show?  You MUST be watching this show!) Somehow MTV came up and there was a blank stare. After 20 seconds of trying to explain I finally had to say…bear with me here, this is hard…the channel that My Super Sweet 16 is on. (barf) She doesn’t watch this show, but has heard of it and I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A PARENTING POINT! Sheesh! Anyhoo…I asked her if she knew what MTV stood for.  Blank stare. At this point I was realizing that when I was working on manners and personal accountability, I was neglecting her cultural upbringing.  MTV actually played music at one time.  Good music.  With videos.  And a good song became even better with a great video. There was no ON DEMAND, so we (80s kids unite!) would sit and wait for that favorite video. And then we would try to figure out the stupid VCR in time to record and pray to God that we weren’t recording over Days of Our Lives or the end of Family Ties. We would sit for hhoouurrss…and it was worth it. I learned patience, and character and love in those hours of waiting. I also learned how to hold my pee until commercial and run as fast as I could to make it back to the couch before Martha Quinn came back on….but I digress.

My child needed to know how life changing videos were.  Had I had more time I would have come up with a better strategy/order in which to teach her, but I panicked and started with Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Then I went to Borderline and Material Girl. (Don’t judge…I said I panicked.  At least I didn’t start with Debbie Gibson or Tiffany! And you are welcome for the links to some classics.) When she threatened to get up off the couch and leave the room I pulled out the big guns.  I told her what I was about to show her would change her life and that she could never fully appreciate it because as amazing as it still is in 2014 was freaking.mind.blowing in 1985. Y'all know where I'm going with this, don't you? I mean I still remember sitting on that scratchy brown burlap couch in our family room and not moving.

 

How did they do that? How could it be half real and half cartoon? How could that waitress just crumble up the comics so flippantly and not realized Morten was being chased by motorcycle cops? (I told you crazy thoughts run through this head) So back to my big guns…I did it.  I told her to sit her tushie right back down and to not roll her eyes at me. She did and let me just tell you….IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!   I mean she was still mad at me for making her stay up late and was still mad the next day.  She tried to get me to let her sleep in the next morning, but I wasn’t having that.  What is even better is that the next day I saw her sitting next to her sister on the couch and telling her she needed to show her something that would blow her mind. (exact words! )

Critiquing my parenting all you want, I put this one in the win column and can promise that my kid may eat will both elbows on the table still, but knows all the words to Take On Me. Next up 80s movies and John Hughes.  Maybe I will wait until she is 14 for that.

Note to self: When searching for pictures of a favorite childhood band, do the math and realize that pictures will show up of said band as middle aged men.  A-ha did not age well.

Follow up note: When looking for Tiffany videos on YouTube, you will be singing I Think We're Alone Now for the rest of the evening.

Judy Blume

About five years back, I had a great idea-or so I thought-to start reading my favorite Judy Blume books again.  My oldest was six at the time and I had just checked Freckle Juice out of the library for her. While she didn’t know who Judy Blume was, I was salivating at the thought of sharing a gigantic part of my childhood with her. I couldn’t wait for her to meet Fudge and Peter Hatcher. I wondered if she would think Sheila was as great as I did. What would her favorite book be?  Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret?, Iggy’s House, Deenie, Blubber. How old would she have to be before I let her read Tiger Eye’s and Forever?  Would she devour everything Judy wrote just like I did? The answer….no.

She may or may not have finally finished Are You There God, but she is eleven and who wouldn’t want to read about all the mysteries of girlhood and how to increase their bust? I think the best part was when she asked me why the girls needed to use a belt for a maxi pad because maxi pads had stickers on them.

As much as it broke my heart that Judy Blume was lost on her, it did cause make allow me to devour these timeless treasures all over again.  And devour, I did. I think it took me just about two weeks, but I reread every.single.one….including the steamy grown up ones like Wifey, Summer Sisters and Smart Women. I guess my point in even revisiting this is, my daughter is in her first year of middle school. And life is beginning to get complicated. Not just for her, but for her peers as well. And as I begin to think about how awful and awkward these years are, I am grateful all over again for Judy. She was/is a friend who was able to put words to feelings and thoughts I thought were exclusive to me. She made me feel normal when my home life was anything but normal.

About the same time that I started rereading her books, I came across a book of essays titled Everything I Needed to Know About Being aGirl I Learned from Judy Blume. I don’t know why they didn’t ask me to contribute, but that is beside the point. The point is that it is true. I may not have caught the lessons the first time around, but the seeds were planted. I was bullied like Linda in Blubber, but I learned how to cope and that it was only a matter of time before the bullies would move on to a different target if I didn’t let them see me cry. I learned it wasn’t The End of The World when my parents sat me down to tell me their marriage was over. I learned that judging someone by skin color was lame in Iggy’s House. There were so many more lessons along the way, but just about every one could be traced back to an author in New Mexico New Jersey New York…wherever she was living at the time. Judy didn’t just touch my life. She touched countless kids lives in the late 70s and 80s…and as my second born started reading a few years back, I realized she is touching lives still. My nine year old has eight Judy Blume books on her shelf and keeps asking when she can get more. She still has to wait a few years for some of the more complicated ones, but the fact that she has fallen in love with Judy makes me love her just a little more than her older sister. Kidding. Not really.