It has been some time since I have posted and I blame over talented people with fancy blogs for that. But after some growing up…meaning I am making strides in
not comparing myself…and some reminders about what enjoy, I’m writing. Oh...and it is NaBloPoMo.
As an introvert there are a lot of thoughts that get stuck in this head. It is time to unleash these beasts. “Why?” is a pretty frequent question for me. It started sometime in my 20s or whenever it was that I realized that I was a “grown up” and that I needed to start thinking about how I wanted my life to look. There are certain areas –career/vocation-that I didn’t think through, but in terms of relationships-with the opposite sex, friends and now children, I have always asked myself why. Why do I feel certain ways about issues? What is the root? What caused me to feel that way? In the midst of endless conversations with people, I always want to understand why someone is anxious, open, pessimistic, optimistic. What events have made up someone’s life story? As I have started to unpack (or better yet) reopen my mental boxes that have been in storage, I have been reminded of what events have shaped me for good or bad. Asking why has proven valuable for me because I feel like experience has been my greatest teacher. It hasn’t had to be my experience, just experience in general. When I see someone or something fail, I ask myself why. When I see someone or something that I admire, I ask myself why. When something doesn’t make sense, I ask myself why. And at the end of the day…I’m reminded that I am not owed any answers. In fact I am not owed anything. That is not feeling sorry for myself, that is just my reality. Some may think it sounds morose. I think it sounds realistic. Life isn’t going to make sense most days. There will be senseless acts of violence. Children will get ill and die. Accidents will happen that will make us question God’s goodness. While my mind and heart may utter the word “why?”, I’m not given answers…only promises.
As an introvert there are a lot of thoughts that get stuck in this head. It is time to unleash these beasts. “Why?” is a pretty frequent question for me. It started sometime in my 20s or whenever it was that I realized that I was a “grown up” and that I needed to start thinking about how I wanted my life to look. There are certain areas –career/vocation-that I didn’t think through, but in terms of relationships-with the opposite sex, friends and now children, I have always asked myself why. Why do I feel certain ways about issues? What is the root? What caused me to feel that way? In the midst of endless conversations with people, I always want to understand why someone is anxious, open, pessimistic, optimistic. What events have made up someone’s life story? As I have started to unpack (or better yet) reopen my mental boxes that have been in storage, I have been reminded of what events have shaped me for good or bad. Asking why has proven valuable for me because I feel like experience has been my greatest teacher. It hasn’t had to be my experience, just experience in general. When I see someone or something fail, I ask myself why. When I see someone or something that I admire, I ask myself why. When something doesn’t make sense, I ask myself why. And at the end of the day…I’m reminded that I am not owed any answers. In fact I am not owed anything. That is not feeling sorry for myself, that is just my reality. Some may think it sounds morose. I think it sounds realistic. Life isn’t going to make sense most days. There will be senseless acts of violence. Children will get ill and die. Accidents will happen that will make us question God’s goodness. While my mind and heart may utter the word “why?”, I’m not given answers…only promises.
For I know the plans I have for you,”
declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope
and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart
and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He
will make straight your paths. – Proverbs 3:5-6
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My
ways," declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher
than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your
thoughts. – Isaiah 55:8-9
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom
and
knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay them?” –Romans 11-33-3
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay them?” –Romans 11-33-3
It is that last question that gets me every
time…who has given to God that He should repay them? Certainly not me. But in
the depths of His riches and wisdom, He gave this introvert words and so
hopefully over the next month I can use this gift for good.
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