Consider the Source

 

We talk a lot about filling buckets in this house.  Not only do we focus on filling, but we also address emptying.  The old adage of "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" starts to make for some quiet meals. Instead, we will try to steer the atmosphere towards "filling" by having everyone say something - ANYTHING - they appreciate about each person in the family.

While I enjoy this exercise, I always find it interesting at who is able to look each person in the eye while being complimented and who can't bear to look up.  It is as if by looking up and into the eyes of the person complimenting, one has to acknowledge...dare I say...believe what is being said about him/her.  I think the other part of the equation that often makes me wonder is how it is typically the female gender that can't bear to hear the good stuff. And even further than having a hard time with the message, is who the messenger is. We can hear twenty good things - about an outfit, a character quality, a job well done - but if it doesn't come from the RIGHT person, it doesn't count.  The same could be true about the negatives. If the WRONG person critiques us, it can completely unravel us.

Why is it that we give another person that much power?  Why can't we have enough self-worth to take in the truth and reject the lie? I don't have an answer. I want to.  I want to think that I can rise above caring and go all Stuart Smalley, (I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and Gosh Darn it, people like me) but the truth is that I'm second guessing every compliment I hear until I hear it from the right person...which then takes me even deeper.  Because the RIGHT person will never tell me what I want to hear. I can spend a lifetime on the hamster wheel and I know that I know that I know that I will die waiting for the words I want to hear.  So I guess it goes back to my post from last week...who do I think that I am?  Who and what will determine my value and my worth? Am I more than what I portray to my neighbors and friends?  Am I more that a Facebook post? Am I more than my Myers-Briggs? My accomplishments and my IQ?

I know I am, but do I believe I am?