Vulnerability

Vulnerable - adjective 1. capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt 2. open to temptation, persuasion, censure 3. liable or exposed to disease, disaster

As I was looking through my morning news feed I came across a quick little video by Brene Brown which then led me to listen to her TEDtalk. Not how I expected to start my day. On any given day, I watch, see, take in quite a bit of information that either reinforces something I already know or factually reports events that have just occurred. I guess that is an arrogant way of saying that not much surprises me or stops me in my tracks. I think I’m pretty open minded and open to new ideas, I just don’t feel like I hear a lot of new ideas. This morning I did. I had heard of Brene Brown before and heard her talk about the differences between sympathy and empathy. I had not heard her talk about vulnerability before. I’m sure this is a topic I will revisit as I now understand there are multiple facets to vulnerability.

So looking at the definition that I copy and pasted above, there is clearly a negative connotation to the word vulnerability. I’ve always seen it as negative and risky. Quality relationships are built on vulnerability, which require a tremendous amount of trust (which could be a whole post in and of itself). Quality people are built on vulnerability. What was fascinating to me was that she shared about meeting with the ALS interpreter before a talk and the interpreter asking if there were any unusual words that she would be using during the talk. When she mentioned “vulnerability”, the interpreter said the signed was two fingers on the palm bending. When Brene asked about it the response was “this is weak kneed”. The interpreter said the only other way she had seen it signed was as fists pressed to the chest extending out and opening up. THAT is how she meant vulnerability. Vulnerability is courageous. It is putting yourself out there. I’ve never thought of it that way…ever.

I’m all about self-preservation. I pride myself on setting boundaries that are healthy. I may have taken it too far.  Over the past couple of months, I’ve come to realize that in establishing boundaries, I have put up walls. Rather than “being smart”, I’ve become distrustful and cynical. Most people walk through life feeling shame or feeling worthy. The difference between these two groups is vulnerability. Vulnerability sounds painful and messy. Vulnerability doesn’t seem courageous and yet I learned this morning, it is. Courageous (in Latin) means to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. It isn’t about bravery. Vulnerability is compassionate, but you can’t be compassionate to someone else if you aren’t compassionate with yourself. Vulnerability is about connection. Connection is about letting go of who you think you should be to be who you truly are. But what if we don’t feel worthy of compassion and connection? What if we don’t want to share our whole heart? People who feel worthy don’t see vulnerability as excruciating and uncomfortable, they see it as necessary. They are willing to show up and be seen when there are no guarantees. Do you see what I mean about having my mind blown? That is not me, but I want it to be me.
 

 

“Vulnerability is courage in you, but weakness in me. When I meet you, it is the first thing I look for in you, but it is the last thing I want to show you in me.” – Brene Brown

 How do you define vulnerability and how vulnerable are you with the people around you?