In the midst of packing literally baggage, it is amazing what types of emotional baggage come to the surface. One can't help but sift through a lifetime of memories while putting things into boxes. That I can deal with for the most part. My issues seem to surface when I try as hard as I can to not let the chaos of moving impact my little ones. I'm trying to keep life as normal as possible for them while life is anything but normal. Fortunately they have both been in camp for these last two weeks, which has helped both them and us. They have been having fun and learning, but also coming home to a drastically different home everyday. Yesterday, they arrived to see thier rooms stripped bare and today they will arrive home to see thier rooms empty. But I digress.
This morning we had an instance of miscommunication...I mean lack of communication from dad...that meant the girls were not dressed properly or on time for camp. Fortunately I sent them with a change of clothes just in case, but it was panic. At least that is what I was told my husband. And then the baggage surfaced. Memories of feeling like my mom was the only one who missed the memo. Wanting so badly to not stand out because I didn't get it right. Ugh...the memories. I know I am being hard on myself, but I just never want my girls to have to feel those feelings of wishing they had a different mom. Clearly I am blowing this out of proportion. In fact I know I am.
Fast forward a few hours as I go to pick up the girls up from camp and profusely apologize for the mishap, Grace looked at me like she wasn't totally sure what I was talking about. And, that is when I realize that it was my baggage that I had been schleping around all morning.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Change is Coming
Gosh, it has been awhile since I wrote. Life got a little crazy there around the beginning of the month. After a long, long, long process...Mike accepted a job in Seattle (well Bellevue to be exact) and we are in the process of moving on. He starts on August 2nd, so there really isn't much time to get our heads around this. It has been interesting to hear the responses from people when we tell them we are moving to Seattle. Usually the first response is, "Is this a good move?". I'm never quite sure how to respond to that simply because we wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't a good move. I guess I can understand that some people really have no choice and they need to go where the job(s) are. This was a well thought out decision for us. I love my home, my friends and my community, but I'm just about done with our state and our education. It will be difficult to leave San Diego in the spring, but I won't miss all the brown. I can't wait to post pictures on Facebook of all the trees and grass!!! (And I know...there is a very good reason why everything is so green.)
But in all of that/this/whatever it has been fascinating to see all of our (the 4 of us) personalities come out. And now that I think about it, I think I am the only one of us that really LIKES change. Mike is doing well and is excited for his new job. Truth be told, he wasn't with us last week while we were house hunting so he has NO idea where we are going. He has seen pictures, but won't see it until he picks up the keys next Sunday. Grace is indifferent. She says she is excited, but then she starts to wonder about starting a new school and meeting new friends. She is open to change, but unsure about how it will all play out. Emma...I'm pretty sure she is not on board with this. We've been in the throws of going away activities and she keeps insisting that we are going to visit Seattle, but we are going to live in San Diego. I can tell it is going to take some time and snuggles to get her through. We did visit her new school last week which was good, but we are walking a fine line there as well. In California she makes the cutoff for kindergarten and in Washington she doesn't. We found a great Pre-K program for her that is academic. Being a second born girl means she is TOTALLY ready, but I have to admit I am relieved to not have to wonder if I should have held her back. BUT...she is adamant that she is not going to preschool anymore. So we are dealing with a semantics game that hopefully works out for the next ten months.
Change. Over the last ten months this is something that Mike and I have talked about at length. We joke about it, but we are both very aware of our personalities and predispositions to change. We balance each other out extremely well, and it helps us tremendously to have insight into our children. I don't want them to become paralyzed by the fear of change, but I also want them to be able to feel reassured knowing that they can count on many things always being the same. So maybe I should emphasize "Same is Coming" instead of "Change". I guess I just don't want "Change" to become a bad word.
But in all of that/this/whatever it has been fascinating to see all of our (the 4 of us) personalities come out. And now that I think about it, I think I am the only one of us that really LIKES change. Mike is doing well and is excited for his new job. Truth be told, he wasn't with us last week while we were house hunting so he has NO idea where we are going. He has seen pictures, but won't see it until he picks up the keys next Sunday. Grace is indifferent. She says she is excited, but then she starts to wonder about starting a new school and meeting new friends. She is open to change, but unsure about how it will all play out. Emma...I'm pretty sure she is not on board with this. We've been in the throws of going away activities and she keeps insisting that we are going to visit Seattle, but we are going to live in San Diego. I can tell it is going to take some time and snuggles to get her through. We did visit her new school last week which was good, but we are walking a fine line there as well. In California she makes the cutoff for kindergarten and in Washington she doesn't. We found a great Pre-K program for her that is academic. Being a second born girl means she is TOTALLY ready, but I have to admit I am relieved to not have to wonder if I should have held her back. BUT...she is adamant that she is not going to preschool anymore. So we are dealing with a semantics game that hopefully works out for the next ten months.
Change. Over the last ten months this is something that Mike and I have talked about at length. We joke about it, but we are both very aware of our personalities and predispositions to change. We balance each other out extremely well, and it helps us tremendously to have insight into our children. I don't want them to become paralyzed by the fear of change, but I also want them to be able to feel reassured knowing that they can count on many things always being the same. So maybe I should emphasize "Same is Coming" instead of "Change". I guess I just don't want "Change" to become a bad word.
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