Because I had a special request that my blog not turn into a
complete ode to the 80s (send complaints to mikefritch@yahoo.com) I will try to mix
it up a bit…but I already wrote the next 80s post FYI.
As I was thinking through all the 80s love, I had the not so
profound thought that it is a part of my identity which then led me to think
more about identity in general. I often play the role of listener/counselor
(which I enjoy) and so often a conversation will settle on one of two core
issues. Control and identity. Whether it is a job, a relationship, marriage,
parenting…our eating patterns, compulsions or addictions…it goes back to these
two issues. And it crosses genders.
I have alluded to bits and pieces of growing up, and I’m
sure I will share more over time. I
don’t have anything to hide and I’m definitely a work in progress (as we all
are). Growing up life was crazy…not as crazy as some homes and much crazier
than others. I don’t remember the first time I held a bat and ball, but I’ve
heard enough of the story and seen the picture with the look of perfect peace
and contentment on my face. I was eighteen months old. (picture an adorable cherub face holding a big red plastic baseball bat) Fast forward through childhood, adolescence,
and now adulthood. In the midst of the uncertainty
of just about everything, when I am holding a bat and ball, life makes sense. I
know who I am. That isn’t to take anything away from knowing who I am as a
child of God, but after many hours of counseling (no shame in having someone help sort out the spaghetti thinking), I finally have accepted that
the two are not mutually exclusive. I’m 41 and when I have a bad day, I go
outside and throw a softball against a net. The repetition and feel of the ball
in my glove makes sense. On the real bad days, I have been known to go to a
batting cage and take 30 minutes to work out my frustrations. For a very long
time I didn’t know who I was outside of softball. It may sound absolutely
crazy, but I could go from being a neurotic mess to calm and composed by simply
stepping past the foul lines of a ball field. But if the ability to do that
went away tomorrow, who would I be? A wife? A mom? A writer? All fine and good,
but not the totality of who I am.
So, I’m curious or rather…I’d love to challenge you to think
about your identity. Do you identify yourself by your job (or lack thereof)? Can a
career stumble send you reeling because if you aren’t successful in work then
you just aren’t successful period? Does not having a paying job because you are
choosing to stay home while your kids are young make you feel like you are not
as valuable or important as someone pulling down six figures? Do you identify
yourself by how you parent? Or is the thought of parenting just too
overwhelming and exhausting so you look to something that you can do well to
avoid facing something that is just flat out hard and unpredictable? Do you
define yourself by your relationships? Because relationships involve people and
those get messy. It is much easier to not be confronted by our flaws and yet
that is exactly what marriage and parenting does…exposes every rough and
scratchy part that we would rather not deal with. Do we identify ourselves by
our fandom to a team or the activities we participate in? Biking? Running?
Scrapbooking? We all want to a part of something bigger than ourselves.
We all define ourselves. There is no harm in that. It is how we define ourselves and if that
definition is true that can be harmful.
We are more than our jobs, our marriages, our activities, our
friendships and our teams. The question is do we believe that? Because the job
can go away. So can the marriage and the kids will eventually grow up. Someday
soon I won’t be able to still throw a ball or swing a bat. Friendships ebb and
flow and my teams break my heart constantly. If my only definition of myself is
in something that can change at the drop of a hat, then I will be living in
perpetual insecurity.
So who are you outside of all these things? At a core level
how do you identify yourself?
6 comments:
I loved this post. This is so very core to so many issues we face in this world. As a Christian, I define myself as a child of God, a brother in Christ, born again through his blood. But, I also get wrapped up into the cares and concerns of this world and define myself as a Husband, Father, T-Mobile worker, Notre Dame fan, etc. These are good, but not the core of how we should identify ourselves in my mind.
I need to spend more time thinking about this, who I am. Perhaps another exercise finishing the statement of "I am _____" will help.
Doing that with the kids was fun, definitely something to come back to again and again.
Thanks Victoria for this post, I really loved it.
Whoa sister...way to make a girl think! That's a big question and as I read this I realize that there are days where I would rather not have to think so much about it let alone come up with an answer. It can get pretty jumbled and tangled up and I see (maybe because I'm a few days away from the big 4-0 myself) that my identity in Christ is my favorite resting place but could also use a tune up. My guess is that that will be ongoing. Do you ever feel like there are too many identities going on at the same time? Maybe thats just the season we are in. I like Mike's statement and maybe when I wake up in the mornings I need to take time to ask myself or make "I am..." statements. You Fritchs are fine folk and I would like for us to live in closer proximity. Keep writing lady!
Psalm 8
God's Glory and Human Dignity[a]
8 O Lord, our Lord,
your greatness is seen in all the world!
Your praise reaches up to the heavens;
2
it is sung by children and babies.
You are safe and secure from all your enemies;
you stop anyone who opposes you.
3
When I look at the sky, which you have made,
at the moon and the stars, which you set in their places—
4
what are human beings, that you think of them;
mere mortals, that you care for them?
5
Yet you made them inferior only to yourself;[b]
you crowned them with glory and honor.
6
You appointed them rulers over everything you made;
you placed them over all creation:
7
sheep and cattle, and the wild animals too;
8
the birds and the fish
and the creatures in the seas.
9
O Lord, our Lord,
your greatness is seen in all the world
I wrote my comments twice and all that showed up were the verses I sent at the end of my writings to you :( I'm not sure if you received them for i don't want to be repeating myself with the same things just worded differently from memory. So I will try it one more time....♡♡♡♡
OK I'm going to try this again :)
I simply love your questions and the challenges in your beautiful writings.
First I need to tell you I love your blogs and the way you write. I could read this all day long. I want you to know what a treasure you and Mike are to my heart. I love you and your family so much and I'm so proud of you both for living life by example, and making a difference in the lives of so many♡
I'm so up for this challenge! I will start off by saying because of time I will not be able to eedit this, so I'm praying God chooses my words in a way you will understand, and read through grammar and misspelled words :)
I'm a 54 year old woman who is a child of the King, valued and loved and He created me for His purpose.
I'm a woman. Who feels more beautiful at 54 than I have ever felt in my life. In a time that beauty and youth are worshipped, I relish and love every wrinkle and every Grey hair. For each line and strand tell a story of life changing events. The lessons I have learned from my many fumbles and mistakes are like gold crowns I have earned. I know there will be more mistakes but hopefully that lessons with the more we learn.
I'm a grandmother who cherishes this time in my life that I have the privilege to impart the many lessons i have learned onto my children and ggrandchildren. Things i had to learn the hard way i pray God will use me as a tool to teach what could spare them heart ache and needless pain. What an honor it is to have children who want me in their lives.
Are children are grown and our house is empty. Yet is has never been busier with my grandchild Cooper running through our house when over. Our daughter will be giving birth to our second grandchild a little girl. Her due date is March 10th 2015. This is the same date as our beloved daughter Alese who is now in heaven with our Father. How Amazing a wondrous is our Lord in His gifts of giving to His children. Today my husband and i woke up at 3am. and we prayed and then opened up the Bible to chapter 1 of Psalms. We read all the way thru to chapter 29. He then left for work and i fell to my knees in humbleness of our Lord and creator of the vast a majestic universe.
I'm a woman who is so grateful for each breath i can take on my own. For i will never lose the vision of watching my daughter and helping her with oxygen just to breath. I don't take life for granted. Each new day is a gift we are given. As we were reading in Psalms i was reminded how we are to mediate morning and night on God's word. The powerful gift we have been given to pray as David prayed. I'm a woman who loves to pray for no matter what hard circumstances you may be facing, God is so Big and He alone will give you all you need to get through it. This too shall pass and time is short. So today i would say I'm a child of the king who love's me unconditionally. Who displays His life e in the most magical ways.
I'm centered and planted in Him! That is who I'm :) I'm perfectly imperfect and what I lack He gives to me and more. That scripture I posted is the part that brought me tears of joy for all our God is.
Thank you for being the woman of God you are and sharing in such a real tangible way that is reaching hearts, and changing lives one heart beat at time. Love you
Shallyns....due date is Alese birthday. She was born March 10th 1984! So I'm now bringing in the 80's I love the 80's
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