Uncertainty

I know it has been a couple of weeks since I wrote, but I have really been pondering what to write about. Not because of writer's block, but because so much has been going through my head. There is a lot of uncertainty in life right now and I often focus on that rather than the things that I am certain of. And I tell myself there isn't much that I am certain of, but in reality, I have much to be certain of. Yesterday I ran into someone in the parking lot and started talking to her. First, this is so not who I am. I am the anti-social one who usually races to my car. Small talk in the parking lot is definitely not my comfort zone. But I made a point to walk up to her and put my arm around her. Recently she found out that her middle son who is four years old is mentally retarded. I have an older brother who is mentally retarded. I despise the word "retarded" for that reason. My brother has always been a part of my life and I wanted to reach out to her from the perspective of a sibling dealing with a handicapped child. I can't begin to imagine what is must be like from the parent perspective. I watched my mom go through it, but she has never handled it well. After forty-four years, she is still very angry about my brother.

But my friend is different. First, she has a solid marriage and they both share a deep faith. Second, she is surrounded by a strong community that has been there for her consistently. I can imagine that she is feeling a tremendous amount of uncertainty and that she will continue to feel that way. But then I step back and think about our conversation and how we both agreed that life isn't perfect and pretty and that someday, not on this side of Heaven, things hopefully will make sense. Or maybe they won't, but does God really owe us an explanation? We can be certain of His love and we can be certain that He is not surprised by the circumstances of our lives.

So in the midst of uncertainty of how the details of life will unfold, I am reminding myself of all that I can be certain of and thanking God for unanswered prayers even when it breaks my heart.