Confessions

This will be the last SATC2 related post, but it is worth commenting on. The other poignant part of SATC2 is Charlotte's mommy meltdown. For those not well versed in all things SATC, Charlotte struggled with infertility and wanted nothing more than to be a mother. She finally adopts only to find herself sobbing in the pantry feeling overwhelmed. And that my friends is reality...the full time, live-in Scottish nanny - not-so-much. But what great writing...or better yet, what authentic writing.

So, seeing Charlotte "losing" it, Miranda - like any good girlfriend - gets some cosmos and plays Mommy Confessions. Take a drink and confess one aspect of motherhood that blindsided you. Or one feeling that you have that you feel guilty for having. I think there was a time in life when this game would have served me well. My favorite line - again...great writing - is when Charlotte "confesses" and then acknowledges "AND I HAVE FULL TIME HELP. How do the other women do it?". The funny thing is that a few years back I actually had a group of women say that to me. They all had nannies...not full-time, but always available and they said, "I don't know how you do it." I fought the urge to go home and tell my hubby how amazing I was, until I realized that being a mom seems a little bit easier now than when our mothers and grandmothers did it. Salad-in-a-bag alone has changed my life.

The truth is that everyone struggles with every life transition, but for me motherhood was the hardest. First, I was surprised by my double lined test. I had only been married for five months at the time and hadn't really given a lot of thought to children. Second, the minute I saw the lines I sobbed because I knew that I was a selfish girl and that my world was about to change. And I have struggled with that consistently for seven years - almost. We lose ourselves in motherhood...and I think we should...to an extent. We need to remember what made us feel like "us". For some women, they still need their career. For some women, they need to be able to sit down and read a book. For some women they need to create - scrapbooks, cards, girly stuff. Whatever it is, you need to confess that motherhood blindsided you. It blindsides EVERYONE! Did any of us expect to love these little ones as much as we do? I know I didn't. I'm looking at an almost seven year-old and thinking, "You changed my life. You changed who I am and who I want to be. I never knew how much I needed you." She has taught me so much. My hubby and I affectionately refer to her as my "sandpaper". She is the one that rubs up against me and exposes my flaws. She is the one that is teaching me to think before I act, because I never want my actions to hurt her spirit. She is the one that is teaching me.

Does that mean that I don't need to go to Book Club tonight and have a glass of wine? Um, not on your life.