The Mantel

I've been spending quite a bit of time of late focusing on this scene. This is my living room, aka The Christmas Tree room. It is the room that doesn't get used much unless someone is trying to hide or escape. This is just a shot of the mantle, but just to the left is a small couch that sits in front of two very tall windows.  Outside of those windows are lots of veryveryvery tall evergreens. It is a good spot to escape. Around this time of year it is the perfect spot because I put up my Thankful banner for Thanksgiving and will soon hang the stockings with care. But as I focus on it right now, I focus on the banner and the simplicity...and I focus on the mantel. A mantel is something that covers or frames. What do I want to mantel my life? Thankfulness. What do I want to sit on top of my thankfulness? Light.

For those outside of the Seattle/Pacific Northwest (and SF), the amazing votives on the mantel are Glassbabys. Aside from the amazing spirit in which these were founded, each Glassybaby has a name and a "spirit" if you will. This is my more reflective collection. My favorite one is Hide and Seek. On days when life gets a bit jumbled...I like to Hide and Seek. I may light my Glassys, come here to read my Bible, read a book, write a blog or just sip a hot cup of tea and refocus...on being thankful...because there is so much to be thankful for.

I had a conversation just today about perspective. I don't consider myself an optimist...rather I try to always step back, take my thoughts captive and look for the good...because there is always good. Even in the midst of my greatest tragedies, there has been good. Yes, there is always someone worse off than me, but in reality, when my basic needs are being met, there is a reason to be thankful. So today - a day when I'm feeling more contemplative - I choose to mantel my life with Thankfulness and Light because it is sunny (Yes, I have the Sunshine glassybaby), I am healthy, my needs are being met and while life may not always look the way I want it to or the way I think it should, I trust that I am right where I am suppose to be and that I can either fight it or rest in it...and I will rest in it.

Trapped by Choice?

There is a 3 year old little guy that lives with me that is a picture of dichotomy. As soon as I found out that #3 was going to be a boy, I had to gear myself up for the sheer ENERGY of what was to come. I confess I had a ton of preconceived notions - he would walk when he was 9 months old (he was 15 months and I was starting to worry), he would climb out of his crib at 18 months (I'll get back to that) and that he would barely be potty trained by the time he started kindergarten (he was the easiest and the youngest of my 3 kids).

But back to the crib. He has made no attempt to get out. NONE. I have been in no rush to get him out because he is still an energetic guy and would cause havoc if he was given that kind of freedom. He is also potty trained so he is at our mercy to get him up to use the bathroom or he has to use his pull-up. After much debate, I took the side off of his crib on Tuesday and held my breath. I was prepared for 84 trips back and forth into his bed and to remind him that it was time to sleep.  See where I'm going here?...Dude doesn't get out of his bed.  He lays there and talks and sleeps and calls for me. There.is.nothing.holding.him.in

Is it Pavlovian? Learned behavior? He is a super smart kid so it is only a matter of time before he figures it out, but I'm not about to suggest anything.  I did tell him that he could get up if needed to go to the bathroom in the morning, but he hasn't.

So the point...how many of us live life feeling like we can't get out of the bed when all the while there is nothing holding us in? It is one thing to choose to stay in our circumstances, but are we staying because we don't know we can move? I talk to so many people who feel like they don't have options. Maybe because I'm further back I have different perspective, but on the other hand, maybe I am too quick to look for the way out. I definitely take into account how my decisions will affect those around me and if it is a price they should have to pay, but I also know that I want to always know what my choices are. I don't want to look back in regret so I'm constantly surveying to make sure that I would still make the same choices today that I would have made yesterday.  It hasn't always been like that, but since "growing up" a few years back...I want to make sure that I can live with my choices.

So the question is, are we really trapped or a we simply choosing the circumstances that we find ourselves in because we don't see any other option?

Footnote: I realized after the fact that this may come across differently than I intended. After more thought, I think it has more to do with feeling safe within our circumstances rather than trapped.  Maybe we do see other options but we opt for the safe option. So which is better? To be safe and never take the risk of getting out of our comfort zone or to leave our comfort zone and subject ourselves to the gamut of emotions that come with exposure? 

Let Whatever You Do Today Be Enough

How do we measure or evaluate what we do? Just because we may not receive grand recognition or a Nobel Peace Prize nomination, does it change the value of what we do?

Ten years ago I sat in a group and started to feel anxious. I was deep in the trenches with an almost two year old and had just found out I was pregnant again. Changing the world was not on my short list of things to accomplish that day. Even as I listened to the other women share what they were doing (and they had young kids as well) I felt insignificant.

But then...came the voice of reason and truth from one of the mentor/seasoned/experienced women in the group. "You are shaping the life/lives of small people.  You are telling them about God's love, meeting their physical and emotional needs throughout every day and you are sacrificing so much to usher these small people into adulthood. You are making a huge difference." And there was a sigh of relief...at least from me. I don't think I will change the world, but if I start with one (or 3) people and focus on them, then just maybe they will in turn be  change makers in someone else's life. I can't expect to solve labor issues in 3rd world countries, but I can instill a strong work ethic and model a strong work ethic to the people around me. I can teach my children how to be fair and honest and to show grace to those around them.

Just yesterday, my oldest daughter came home telling me that our neighbor asked her to babysit and how much she charged. When she answered (with a reasonable amount for an 11 year old to be paid), the neighbor said "oh no, we pay $20 an hour". Needless to say, she was thrilled, but I told her that would not happen because she didn't need to be making more than someone working at McDonald's or Starbuck. I also explained to her that her attitude would change if she were paid that much money. There are people who don't go out with their spouses because the cost of babysitting is too expensive. I don't want her to start turning down jobs or feeling indifferent because she doesn't think she is being paid fairly. On the flip side, if she wants to take the money that she were to make from our neighbors and use it  adopt a family this Christmas or to buy some gasoline for generators at Tent City, that would be OK, but I didn't want the money to go towards an iPad or Uggs. I may have gone on a tangent here, but my point is that adopting a family, reaching out to the homeless community, raking leaves for an elderly neighbor or taking a meal to a family in need can carry just as much weight and impact. I know people may argue that you are feeding thousands or bringing a global awareness to a larger need, but you are investing in people and building relationships.

Don’t undermine what you do each day. I have a sign that I see when I wake up each morning that says “Let whatever you do today be enough”. Let it. Today may be better than tomorrow, but there will always be another tomorrow.

Don't Feel, Just Deal

 

This book may be the end of me. I'm good at stuffing and dealing.  I manage my emotions.  Heck, I manage OTHERS emotions. For the most part, I can say life is good on any given day.  It isn't perfect, but I can step back and get perspective rather quickly. There is always a thread of melancholy, but I typically chalk that up to my introversion. But now...we started reading this book with a few other people and I find myself pissed off quite a bit. If there wasn't the accountability to follow through, I would have thrown it across the room weeks ago.  The "homework" for this week was to try and figure out our "love style"...whatever that means. Because after taking the quiz, it wasn't an ambiguous answer (13/14 answers) but rather a glaring microscope in to how I am wired...only this book isn't about wiring as much as it is about imprinting and the way we learned to cope based on our childhoods. I know in the long run it is good for me to have this knowledge and to have the tools to try and work towards a healthier way of existing, but right now it just feels uncomfortable and I'd much rather avoid dealing with it. Any guesses as to my results?

Actually

 

 

It was Christmas 1988 and I was a sophomore in high school.  I don't remember wanting much more than for my mom to put our house up for sale so that I could be eligible to play Varsity softball. I had transferred high schools and as a result was told that I had lost my eligibility to play at the varsity level until I had been enrolled for a full school year or had a new mailing address outside of the district I was living in. Basically, life sucked and I had no control over my circumstances. My mom had been dating the same guy (my stepdad) for a few years at that point and while we didn't say much to each other (which was because neither one of us is big on talking), apparently he knew what the cool gift was for a 15 year old girl. Not only did I unwrap this amazing device on Christmas Eve, I had this included in the package.

 

 

 

 

Not sure what this is?  This my friends was my very first CD that I listened to overandoverandoverandover again. It didn't seem like such a big deal at the time, but looking back, and remembering how raw life felt at 15, I am so grateful that I could listen to "What Have I Done To Deserve This?" on repeat. I don't think I knew what the song was about, but I could certainly resonate with the chorus of "how am I gonna get through". It is funny how 26 years later when I listen to this song it takes me back to those nights of laying in bed thinking that nothing would ever be as hard as 15. Boy was I wrong. 

Consider the Source

 

We talk a lot about filling buckets in this house.  Not only do we focus on filling, but we also address emptying.  The old adage of "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" starts to make for some quiet meals. Instead, we will try to steer the atmosphere towards "filling" by having everyone say something - ANYTHING - they appreciate about each person in the family.

While I enjoy this exercise, I always find it interesting at who is able to look each person in the eye while being complimented and who can't bear to look up.  It is as if by looking up and into the eyes of the person complimenting, one has to acknowledge...dare I say...believe what is being said about him/her.  I think the other part of the equation that often makes me wonder is how it is typically the female gender that can't bear to hear the good stuff. And even further than having a hard time with the message, is who the messenger is. We can hear twenty good things - about an outfit, a character quality, a job well done - but if it doesn't come from the RIGHT person, it doesn't count.  The same could be true about the negatives. If the WRONG person critiques us, it can completely unravel us.

Why is it that we give another person that much power?  Why can't we have enough self-worth to take in the truth and reject the lie? I don't have an answer. I want to.  I want to think that I can rise above caring and go all Stuart Smalley, (I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and Gosh Darn it, people like me) but the truth is that I'm second guessing every compliment I hear until I hear it from the right person...which then takes me even deeper.  Because the RIGHT person will never tell me what I want to hear. I can spend a lifetime on the hamster wheel and I know that I know that I know that I will die waiting for the words I want to hear.  So I guess it goes back to my post from last week...who do I think that I am?  Who and what will determine my value and my worth? Am I more than what I portray to my neighbors and friends?  Am I more that a Facebook post? Am I more than my Myers-Briggs? My accomplishments and my IQ?

I know I am, but do I believe I am?

Deep Thoughts

 

As I left the Seahawks game today, ticket in hand, my first stop was not the restroom, but rather the closest 7-11. I was anxious to claim my beef jerky and free Slurpee. So from this endeavor came an observation...why did I NEED the Slurpee when it is in the low 50s and I'm freezing? I promptly got a Starbucks to ward off the brain freeze. But in mind it is absolutely reasonable to chase a frozen drink with a hot coffee, right?

The other entertaining part of the story is that yesterday we did a Pay It Forward in the Starbucks drive thru. My kids loved it and my husband looked at me like I had lost my mind. Apparently this wasn't something he had ever done before and he claimed that he had NEVER been the recipient. I didn't want to make him feel too bad, but clearly he had some bad mojo going on. The hilarious part...as we are in 7-11 getting our free swag (which is a small Slurpee and bag of beef jerky) the guy at the counter says, "get a big one, get whatever you want, it is on me". I attribute this to two things...maybe three.

1. A Hawk's win
2. Good mojo from yesterday's pay it forward
3. God wanting to show the husband that blessings can come in many forms...including Slurpees.