Teddy

 

 

This summer I heard a speaker share and he opened up his talk by sharing about his dog, Teddy, that had been rescued from the pound. He didn't have a lot of prior history, but he knew that Teddy had been abused and needed a lot of TLC. He also had another dog at home already so he was hoping that having a "friend' would help Teddy to trust again. After months and months of Teddy's timid and shy behavior it was obvious that  there were still deep wounds. I'm not sure how or when the videos were taken, but they often showed Teddy off the side watching his friend leap into his master's arm and showering him with kisses. Teddy had a wall up. If I didn't know better, I would have thought this was a video that was purchased for the sole purpose of making the talk more interesting. But this was real and what I watched felt so real to me. So many days I stand off to the side and watch the world and wonder how they can trust so easy. How can they just be so carefree? Are they on medication? Do I need medication? Maybe if I cared less, I would be more carefree.

 

As the video progressed forward nine months, it showed the speaker walking in the door to his home and Teddy fighting his friend to see who would be the first to jump into the master's arms. Nine months of watching and waiting and learning to trust. Nine months of seeing the master's care and knowing that he was safe and that he wasn't going to harm Teddy. I want to be more like that. I want to trust that the world isn't going to turn on me when I'm not looking? I want to trust that the Master is just waiting for me to trust Him wholeheartedly and to leap into His arms. I bet that would feel good. But it has been more than nine months already and someday I think it may be forever before I trust that someone won't hurt me. But that is an illusion. I hurt people without meaning to (which makes me withdrawal so that I am not causing pain) and people will hurt me without meaning to...and I need to be resilient enough to not take it personal or to not hold a grudge. I need to be able to leap without fear into the arms that want to hold me. I need to trust.